Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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