This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
