so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
