I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
