Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
