im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
