It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
