Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
