just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
