before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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