just come out here and I will go home with you...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
