Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
