She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I want a musical about memes.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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