Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
