Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
