I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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