no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
