I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
