Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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