sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
