your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
