...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
