I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
