Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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