Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
