He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
