I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
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