Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
