He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
