Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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