weddingsv make me drug and hornr
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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