I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
