my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
