apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
