i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
