I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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