I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I got inside last night via doggy door
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
