New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
