I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
