dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Vodka?
Forever.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
