it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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