im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
