i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
