Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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