Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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