you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
