then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
