Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
