..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
