i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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