You really coming over, don't trick.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm sobbing to NWA
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
