fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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