Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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