Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
